Yesterday, I wanted a glass of wine, just because. I texted my girlfriend to see if she could meet me after 9. She was enrolled in the Landmark seminar and agreed to meet after class. I picked a place close to her, a nice and bright diner on the corner of 34th and 8th, an area I wouldn’t normally choose as a New Yorker.
I ordered myself a glass of cabernet, sweet potatoes fries, and read about Derek Parfit’s fascinating work and life. Deep down I also want to be philosopher. Sometimes I become one depending on how much wine I had and who is my listener. Rainy weather usually contributes too.
By the time my girlfriend arrived, I had finished my glass of wine and kinda wanted to leave. But it doesn’t work that way when you’ve already invited people for a drink so I stayed. We ordered more wine and more unhealthy yet divine food. We engaged in our favorite topic about how to release our roadblocks and work through some limitations. We’ve known each other since 1998 so we’ve watched each other grow and attempt to grow but fail in different areas of our lives.
My girlfriend kept saying that I should work on my money blocks. I agreed with her and even have a solid plan for this year, even though I’ve failed before. I’ve obsessed and stressed about this problem in the past, frantically saying that the future would be different. Sometimes it was and sometimes it wasn’t. But I’ve never just accepted that I am ok. That I have a good life, here and now and if the future is different, great. And if it isn’t that’s ok too.
For the first time in my life, I wholeheartedly accept myself. Me with my roadblocks and flaws. Me, who might never have a breakthrough. I accept myself and I am ok. I LOVE myself with all of my failures. Even though I don’t have a fancy apartment or unlimited money. Even though I sometimes worry about paying my rent, I still feel happy.
So I drink another Cabernet and raise my glass to my wonderful life.
Now let me go and work on my roadblocks, I will keep you posted on the progress.
Wish you to have a wonderful life full of acceptance of yourself in the hardest moments of your life, because that when you need the most.